Hannah Morgan

Depression and Job Search

I am not a mental health professional, therefore, I am not qualified to offer help in this area.  However, what I know and what I see is that there are a lot, A LOT, of people who are depressed due to their long-term unemployment (LTU is what I'll call this disease).  It is treatable.  It is even curable.  The treatment and cure require visits to a mental health professional and that costs money. 

One of the other bi-products of LTU is that health insurance coverage can lapse due to the cost. 

Here we have a double-whammy, can't get the help because you're unemployed and can't afford it.  It just isn't right. 

Here is my plea to the mental health community, offer clinics for mental health help for the unemployed.  Heck, partner with the Dept of Labor if you need official documentation of unemployment.  Offer group therapy in suburban areas where the professional unemployed numbers run high.  This depression is not just a problem for the poor, but also for the wealthy, who are having a much harder time adjusting to the stigma of not having a job.

As we look at the less than positive outlook for jobs in our country, we must invest in helping them cope with this LTU disease.  It is going to be a year or two before it is predicted to be better.  That is a long time.  

What can be done to offer affordable mental and physical health care to the unemployed?  There are answers.  We just need to get creative and not wait for government to figure it out. 

There are resources in every community for emergency services, food cupboards, counseling, etc.  Ask around and you will start figuring it out.  Unfortunately, it isn't always so easy. 

Be a "Giver", Not a Job Seeker

Instead of focusing your sights on the dream job or any job for that matter, focus instead on being a "giver" or "sharer". 

Here's an example:  A woman attended a professional group made up of community agencies.  She is a job seeker, but did not introduce herself as one.  Instead, she introduced herself as an HR professional and circulated her business cards.  She offered her HR expertise to those in the room, not as a job seeker, as a giver.  Her message and her intent caught the attention of some of the attendees.  No one is sure what will happen next, but it could be the beginning of something.  You just never know.

When you focus too much on FINDING A JOB, a strange and sometimes un-attractive aura begins to follow you.  Leach, mooch, desperate, entitled, over qualified, user or loser are tags I have heard and, dare I admit, even used myself to describe some job seekers.  I know they don't mean to be perceived as such.  Maybe they have no idea.  However, the perceived becomes reality.  

On many occasions I have heard job seekers declare "I won't network with other unemployed people".  How incredibly short sided.  Networking, with anyone, is of value as long as you have a goal in mind.  Sharing could be that goal. 

• Who do you know who could help someone else? 
• What insight can you provide on your industry or occupation?
• Have you heard about a job that might be good for someone else?
• Have you read a good book or article that is worth sharing?
• What resource(s) have you found helpful?

Sharing and giving builds trust.  It makes you likable.  It is sometimes so rare, it makes you memorable.  

In the spirit of sharing, I came across this news that SimplyHired.com has some new functionality to their site.  Here is the article (from Search Engine Watch).  This is a small excerpt from the article:

"Simply Hired has also added a "Share" feature that easily enables searchers to share job listings with their networks on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn - as well as through email. This is an easy way to shoot out a message to social networks to find contacts and referrals."

Can you let me know if any of this works?  Add a comment and share!

Leave Your 'Tude at the Door

Ever had a bad day?  What about a bad week? Anyone ever had a bad year?  It is possible and most likely probable that you have. 

Job search is rough on the emotions.  It takes us places we don't want to go...feeling rejected, vulnerable, angry, anxiety-ridden, depressed and sometimes all at the same time.

Check these emotions at the door before you leave your home. 

Amazingly, many people don't see this in themselves, or if they do, perhaps they feel entitled to these emotions. 

It is OK and even normal to have these feelings.  Find someone who will listen when you are having a "spell".

What can you do to prevent and release these emotions:

• Don't take it personally, rejection is part of the process
• Identify a friend who will listen
• Identify another friend who will call you out on your behavior
• Identify yet another friend who will pull you out of a slump
• The decision to let you go was a business transaction only
• This is going to take longer than you want, brace yourself financially
• Carve time out for things you enjoy doing or take up a new hobby

Most likely, everyone will have to go through this job search again. This won't be the last time and believe it or not, it will be easier next time.

How will 14 more weeks Help You?

If signed off on by President Obama, job seekers will have their unemployment benefits extended 14 more weeks. Read more about the bill here.

Let me ask a question:  if you knew your benefits were ending this week or even next week, what would you do?  What actions would you take?  What would you change or do differently?

There is a small feeling of security knowing that there is at least some money coming in the door.  It is guaranteed as long as you are playing by the rules.  It is buying you time until you can land that "good paying" job.  Well, where is that good paying job?  When will it become available?  Will it be there this year or maybe next year, or maybe not at all? 

In my opinion, this extension is prolonging the delay in many workers going back to work.  It is giving them the hope that they'll be able to secure another hefty paycheck, or at least a paycheck close to what they were making before.  What if those jobs are gone and not coming back... or at least not in the quantities necessary?

I encourage everyone reading this to consider:

• Looking for work far outside your preferred radius.
  That may mean commuting farther, temporarily moving out of town, or relocating.
  
• Spending more time looking for employment.
  The average unemployed person is spending less than 10 hours a week. While I am sure most of you are spending more than 10 hours, could you spend more time?
• Getting job search help.
  Either at no-cost, through you local One-Stop or invest in a professional Career Coach.
  
• Adjusting your budget and spending habits.
  Have you really cut as much as you can? We're in a recession, this SHOULD be painful. Do you evaluate each purchase by asking "Do I need this or do I want this?"
• Changing what you are doing.
  If you are using the same resume, the same websites, the same practice of submitting resumes and waiting, the same networking groups, the same of anything, do it differently or do something else instead.
• Communicating differently.
  Whatever it is you are saying, it doesn't seem to be working if you are still unemployed. It could also be HOW you are saying it. Change your tone.
  
• Taking a job that is less than perfect, if just for now.
  If the job is at least close to what you can do, consider taking it. What will you learn by doing this? A lot!
  
• Starting your own business or becoming a consultant.
  This is risky. Be smart in how you start it up. Consult this post for more resources.

I realize times are hard.  I also know that people are getting jobs every day right now.  There are jobs!  Take one and see how good it feels!

Perception Is Reality

Job search is a full time job and requires discipline, project management skills, thick-skin, perseverance, marketing skills and so much more.  You have heard this all before.  Yet, how many are really accepting this?  How many are learning to master the skills mentioned?  A lot of you are, but most are not.  The easiest thing to do is to take the path of least resistance- continue doing what we're doing and cross your fingers.

I am reminded each and every day how difficult it is.  I also am seeing people succeed in securing employment each and every day, so I know it is possible to overcome these challenges.

Last night, I dreamt I was walking with two friends along a country road.  I was still in my work clothes and 2-inch heels.  (I don't often wear heels because I am a klutz).  In this dream, I was walking along side my friends as if I had my sneakers on, keeping up with their pace and not thinking about how odd it was that I was in heels.  One of my friends asked me if my feet hurt from walking so far in heels.  I replied "No, this is actually the second walk today in these things, and my feet feel fine". 

What does this dream have to do with what you're going through?  How does it relate to looking for work?  What I am trying to say is that our perception of our situation can sometimes make all the difference.  If you don't think something is bad, difficult, uncommon, stressful, terrible, unbearable, then it isn't.  It doesn't mean you necessarily like it, just stop thinking about how bad job search is.  You can do it.  You will get a job.  Just do it!

Finding Your Niche

Each of us has a niche.  A place where we can practice our specialty.  It seems we sometimes forget what we love to do and why.

Re-evaluating who we are and what we do is critically important.

Secondly, is finding a niche that will provide financial gain. 

I don't believe that most of us are qualified or even capable of seeing what our niche is.  It will take someone else to help us identify what this niche is.  I say thins because, I have struggled myself, and this is what I do for a living.  It took a conversation over coffee to validate my niche and this will allow me to move forward.  It took way too long for me to make this happen.  I also want to thank my colleague for helping me with this, Luis, thank you!

Take time out of your job search, and early in the process, to sit down and begin the self assessment.  I have written a lot about self assessment because it is the one thing most unemployed and employed job seekers don't take the time to do.

Get a Clue, Know What You Can Do

What Do They Call this At Your Company?

Transfer Your Skills

We Are All Changing Careers

Getting Back to Basics

Know Thyself

Passion

Finding the Right Fit Culturally Speaking

The Little "Job Seeker" That Could

One of the most commonly asked questions from job seekers today is "How do I stay motivated?" And it is no wonder, the majority of mid level career job seekers have been at it for months. They've faced rejection and indifference.  Some are blaming the bad economy and age discrimination as the causes of their prolonged job search.

At some point, they need to look inside.  What are they responsible for, what can they do to keep themselves on track. 

Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves.
-- Helen Keller

"I think I can, I think I can" is the motto of the little engine.  He has a goal and a strong motivation and mission to get those toys to the children who so desperately need them.  Quitting is not an option.  He can't just leave the toys on the side of a mountain.

As a job seeker, starting with your mission, goal, most desperate desire, is one of the keys to staying motivated. However, let's face it, you lack survivability skills. You have never had to go through this before.  You are ill-equipped to compete in this game.  You probably don't remember what it was like to live pay check to pay check.  Before you start with your mission and goal, what is your most desperate desire?   

To keep food on the table, to keep a roof over your head, you need some money coming in. That should be motivation enough, according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Yet, that might require that you take some pretty undesirable actions.  You might have to take a job below you, really below you. And perhaps you'll need to work more than one. There is no shortage of service sector jobs right now.  And if you were to get creative or entrepreneurial, is there a service you could provide that would generate income... you earned? 

I hear unemployment recipients tell me that they can't afford to take a job because it pays less than unemployment.  Hmmm, work, self esteem, feeling valued, or, continue to collect unemployment?  Are we a lazy society?  Do we feel entitled to unemployment?  Maybe.  Yet when you look at the long term repercussions of collecting unemployment you see a lot of depression, lack of self confidence, anger, frustration, i.e., lack of motivation.

In honor of Labor Day, let's start laboring...really working, roll up your sleeves- get dirty and sweaty. 

How To Stay Motivated During Job Search

Easily, staying motivated is the number one issue facing job seekers today.  No wonder, it is taking longer to find employment and time has a way of chiseling away at your confidence and motivation. 

When you look at the physical things some people have endured, how did they stay motivated?

• A woman in labor
• A marathon competitor
• A visit to the dentist for a new filling
• A weekend with the in-laws 

They can tolerate and get through these things because they knew there was an end and in most cases, they knew when that will occur or at least that it wouldn't last forever.

When you look at some of the other things you've endured, you survived all those as well (oh, these are mine, maybe not yours).

• Finding a spouse
• Accumulating money in your savings account
• Buying your first house
• Getting your 1,000th Twitter follower
• Losing 25 pounds
• Giving up alcohol

Does it take motivation to reach your goals?  Yes. While I am not an expert in this area (I am not the best goal-setter), I do know that the more specific the goal the clearer it will be for you to set a course and follow it. 

Staying motivated can be achieved by feeling satisfied.  To feel satisfied, break your goals into bite-size, achievable pieces.  If the long term goal; and let me state it again, long term because this will take longer than you want; is to find a job, what are the incremental steps it will take to get there? 

• Lots of meetings
• Lots of interviews
• Lots of resumes submitted
• Lots of rejection

"Lots" is a number you will have to establish for yourself.  It varies and those numbers are increasing with job seekers every day.  Reward yourself for achieving the short term goals.  Don't let the nay-sayers beat you down. There are plenty out there that want you to play the pitty-fiddle with them.  Hang with those that are moving forward and continue to move toward your goals.

The short answer is, that staying motivated is personal.  You control it based on your expectations.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  Every one can find a job.

I have No Idea What I'm Doing

There's a saying, "Be careful what you wish for...".  Have you ever found that what you wished for came true and it wasn't quite what you had in mind?  Perhaps it is that "dream job" you landed or maybe it is the great assignment or maybe your side business is taking off.

Sometimes we are caught off guard by the our successes.  Perhaps there's a great learning opportunity in this.  For those who are planners or analytical, this change can open up a pandora's box of unexpected situations which can result in feeling overwhelmed.  For those that regularly go with the flow, it isn't so much of a big deal.  However, they will have their own set of challenges.

One of the things I think is OK to admit, to yourself, is that you have no idea what you are doing. This is not to be an excuse or denial of accountability.  When you do this, it might give you permission to make mistakes.  It might give you permission to ask for advice.  It might give you permission to actually learn something new.  I have been confessing this a lot lately and each time I do, I've been able to better evaluate what I've learned. 

I've met so many people who have gone 6, 8, 10 months supposedly "looking for work" on their own, only to realize, they had no idea what they were doing.  Why did it take so long to come to this realization?  My hunch, money became an issue.  PAIN.  We respond/react to it. 

All this means is that there are vast opportunities to learn and grow.  None of the great leaders have been able to do it on their own. 

Ask for advice and guidance from those who do know what they are doing.  Remember, however, that we are unique and that advice is not absolute.

Do You Make Things Happen?

I don't think anyone could disagree that times are tough.  It can be our personal traits that change how we conquer the issues.

In a post from Fast Company, Six Traits that Separate the Achievers from the Wannabes.  Here they are (original source Echoing Green):

1. Core identity formation and alignment. "These folks," she said, "have reached a level of authenticity in life. They have found purpose and passion. They know what they're on earth to do. They're in the Social Change 'zone.' They have head/heart alignment."
2. Focused and ability to execute with alacrity. "It's not enough to have an idea. You must be able to prove your model is having an impact and build on it."
3. Solutions oriented.
4. Asset based thinking. "Most of us deficit based thinkers," Dorsey said. "But instead of seeing the world as filled with problems, they see opportunities. They see the glass as half full, and execute against all odds."
5. Resource magnet. They're able to draw money, garner human capital, and attract media attention.
6. Deep and unshakable commitment to a cause.

Echoing Green calls these "social entrepreneurship intelligence".  

It doesn't matter if you are in accounting, nursing or administrative support.  These are the new norms employers will be looking for within every level of the organization. 

With the majority of job growth happening in small to medium sized companies, these companies need multi-talented contributors. 

Be the one with a "can do" attitude and demonstrate your passion!

Envision the Future

I find myself running into brick walls a lot while trying to help job seekers.  Not necessarily my brick walls, but theirs-  "I can't", "it doesn't work", "it won't work", "that's not me", "it's not fair".

But these become my brick walls too.  My role as a sherpa is to get you to believe you can, so that you will take the actions necessary to break through these walls. 

I'm pretty no-nonsense and my family has declared me "un-fun".  To prove them all wrong and change up my image a bit, I've surrounded myself with people who are fun and full of non-sense (they may or may not know who they are).

So to all you job seekers out there, what can you do that is uncharacteristic?  More fun?

Years ago I attended a wonderful and too brief keynote by Yvonne Conte.  If you've ever seen her, you know how fun she is! 

One of the exercises she asked us to do was to describe our dream job.  Not just what we would be doing, but all the details of the work environment.  So, here are some questions you can answer:

• What is the job title
• Who are your customers
• What industry or focus does your company have
• What does a typical day involve
• How far do you have to travel to get to your job
• What does your workspace look like
• What hours do you work
• Who are your co-workers
• What is your boss like (what's their background and management philosophy and how do they recognize your successes)
• What is your favorite part of your new job
• When your workday is over, how do you feel

This is about creating a vision of what you are striving for.  Once you can picture it, it is much more likely to come to fruition, right?!

You could even get really goofy and begin cutting out pictures and articles that truly help you visualize your new role.  

Heck, you've got nothing to lose in trying this.  It might seem silly, but it might just work!

Smiles Everyone!

Unseasonably balmy weather predicted for the weekend reminds me of all the wonderful summer memories and new summer opportunities!

When the sky is blue and the weather is warm (not hot), it is hard not to smile, especially in Upstate New York. 

Wouldn't it be nice if we could keep "the first days of summer" smile all year...we can, but it requires some work.

Usually (or always) it is our beliefs that take the smile away or keep the smile on our face.  Ivy Hoffman will be presenting a workshop on personal beliefs at RochesterWorks mid-week and I am sure I'll have greater insight after I hear her.  What I do know now is that there is a ton of stress, anxiety, fear, despair, indifference and host of other negative emotions associated with job loss and job search. 

We have 2 choices, let the emotions take our smile away or change our beliefs/mindset and keep the smile.

Sounds flowery, I know.  But emotions cast the shadow of how we are perceived.  So having a flowery disposition can greatly enhance our chances of success.

I came across a post on this topic "How to use questions to create a positive perspective" comes from The M.A.P. Maker a blog by Curt Rosengren.  Really, this was the inspiration for this post.

Where ever you are, enjoy and smile!

3 Ways to Stop Collecting Unemployment Insurance

It's fun looking for a job full time, isn't it?!  You really enjoy claiming Unemployment Insurance every week too, right? You feel useful, productive and valued for your contributions.  There is nothing worse than what you are experiencing right now. Yet, it will not last forever.  

Use this time to figure out what you really want to do. Discover something you will enjoy doing. 

You can start off working one or two days a week.  If you work an assignment/job just 2 days a week, in most cases you will still be able to claim 1/2 of your UI benefits.  (This varies by state and depends on how much you make those 2 days).  

Another option is to take a 2-3 week assignment doing something new or exciting.  You just won't claim UI benefits that week.  You don't lose any money really, it extends the term of you Unemployment Insurance (you still have 12 months to use it).

Better yet, you could find a job in an other area of the country and commute home, taking you off Unemployment Insurance all together.  

The government has tried to help by offering Unemployment Insurance and increasing the length of time people can have access to it, however, what I've seen is that this creates dilemmas... you really want to work, doing anything, but you make more on unemployment than you would in a minimum wage job.  Each day you are unemployed it can become more difficult to feel self-confident.  Sometimes you begin to doubt your own abilities.  The best cure for these feelings is to do something, anything and get paid for it.  It is amazing what this does for the spirit.  

Stretch your mind, think about creating new possibilities for yourself and see what happens! 

The Mindset of an Entrepreneur

Everyone should read Seth Godin's Guest Blog post "Don't Try to Get A Job" on What Would Dad Say. 

I believe what Seth is trying to say is that trying to start you own small business stretches the mind.  It forces you to clarify what your strengths are and provides an outlet for passion. 

These are the things that employers are looking for.  Risk takers, great problem solvers, passionate.  This is how we all want to be seen by a potential employer, not desperate and vulnerable.  So where's the harm?

Miriam Salpeter, Keppie Careers, posted a strong argument against why starting your own business isn't a solution.  She contends that not everyone is cut out to follow Seth's advice. 

Nick Carcodilos, Ask the Headhunter, provides examples of how to put Seth's advice into  action.  Nick says

"First, if you’re never gonna try to start your own business, you should nonetheless approach your next job like it’s a business."

Thanks to Seth for getting everyone thinking.  I see the challenge as most unemployed people are going to have a hard time getting to this mindset.  It is a huge paradigm shift.  However, I believe once they can embrace this new way of thinking, it will be incredibly liberating and empowering!

Coping with Job Loss

The Washington Post has a regular feature called How To...Survive A Layoff.  In a recent Q&A, titled Coping with Job Loss, Dr. Lynn Joseph wrote about visualization.  

This caught my eye for a number of reasons:

1. Job search is darn hard and I love it when professionals admit it
2. She refers to Tiger Woods' success strategy and so do I
3. The practice of visualization is easy and highly successful
4. We all need a little help in our lives and it is worth trying
5. Depression and negative self-talk are real and prevalent, this will help

You've heard the saying before, if you continue to do the same things, you will continue to get the same results.  So, CHANGE today.  Try something new or different.  Step outside of your comfort zone. Admit you have something to learn.

Maintaining momentum

This is tough to do is job search, maintaining momentum.  You are forced to step out of your comfort zone daily.  You face a lot of indifference (in the olden days it was rejection).  There's a lot of waiting.  You are going through some emotional and self identify stuff too.

What can you do to keep energized and keep moving forward...

1. Take good care of you.  Which means eat right, get enough sleep and exercise.
2. Carve things you love to do into your day, every day.
3. Set a plan and follow it. 
4. Don't make assumptions.  Either get the facts or ignore whatever bothers you.
5. Team up with other people who will support you, hold you accountable and be cheerleaders when you need it.
6. Life isn't all about you, give back.  Volunteer.
7. Create structure to your day.  Routines are healthy.

Please stop making excuses. "I don't know what else to do", "This economy is bad", "no one will hire me because I am over 50", "No one can help me".

These thoughts translate into negative actions.  They won't move you forward. 

I love the Dr. Seuss book "Oh the places you'll go".  If you haven't read it, now is a really good time.  If it has been awhile, dust off your copy.  This story is about you.

I think momentum  is a very personal thing.  No one solution will help everyone.  Know what motivates you and incorporate that into your life today.

Knowing it All

The next time you are telling someone something, stop, and think about how much you don't know about what you are talking about.  It is so easy, especially when we get older and supposedly wiser, to "believe" we have the answers.

Personally and professionally, we feel we know the answers.  With confidence, we take a stand on an issue or topic.  It is at that moment, we need to stop and consider how much we don't know. Open up our minds to the possibility that there is probably so much we don't know on the issue or topic.  That can be difficult, because we want to believe we know.  But we don't. 

If we open our minds to the notion that we are not the expert, that there are people out there that know more, perhaps even the person we are talking with/to, it allows us to want to learn more.  If we want to learn more, we become more pro-active in seeking information from those we interact with.  

If you have children, you feel you are supposed to know it all.  When they come to you for advice or help, you might feel it is your job to share your expertise/wisdom.  That's fine, just remember, you don't know it all, do you?  How would that exchange with you child be different if you were asking yourself, "do I really know what I am talking about?".  I hope the answer is a mix of yes and no. 

If you are in an interview or networking, you want to appear knowledgeable and confident.  You don't, however, know it all.  That results in arrogance.  Keep an open mind, remember, you don't know it all.

Adopt the "life long learner" mentality.  It keeps you alert and humble and much more enjoyable to be around.

Recession-Proofing Your Career

How do you do that?  Is it possible?  What control do you really have? If your employer decides to let you go, what can you do about that?

All these are great questions.  Recession-proofing your career is about preventative maintenance.  You visit your doctor annually, the dentist twice a year and you take your car in for an oil change when your supposed to (my mechanic lectured me on this several months ago). These preventative analytics are taken because they are an investment in your future. The same preventative maintenance should be/must be taken with our careers. 

Step 1:  Assessment

What are your talents, skills, and abilities?
What do you want to do next?
Where could you do this?
Do you need anything to reach this goal?

Step 2:  Research
What do you know about the companies who might hire for this next opportunity?
Who are the people who hire for the job you would want?
Who do you know who works there or who has worked there?

Step 3:  Presenting Yourself
When you describe what you do, does it sound valuable?
Is your message clear, focused?
Does everyone know what you can do?
How can you get the message out to more people?
Does your resume “sell” your talents?

Step 4:  Project Management
What do you need to be doing to reach your goal?
How do you make time to follow your plan?
How can you most efficiently budget your time?

Step 5:  Communication/Self Awareness Strategies
How confident are you in speaking about your abilities?
Have you identified your value to an organization?
How do you talk about your successes to a stranger?

Step 6:  Project Evaluation
How do you know what you are doing is working?
Are your time lines and goals realistic?

The true key to recession-proofing your career is being in control and you do that by always having an eye on the future.  Always be asking yourself, "What do I want to do next and where could I do that?". 

Don't wait to be laid off to start this.  Start today.  The mindset of the unemployed is usually filled with a lack of confidence and desperation. 

You are in control of where you are going, that is, if you know where you want to go.

Life is Full on Firsts...

Remember your first day of school?  What about your first ride on an airplane?  Your first kiss?  Do you remember how nervous you felt when experiencing your firsts? 

Those same feelings emerge when we have our first interview, our first networking meeting, our first job loss. 

There are some advantages to having all that Adrenalin running through the body, but usually we hang on to the feelings that are negative.  The best cure...have more firsts, so there aren't so many...huh?  If you are having more first interviews, you will have more experience with them and feel more comfortable.  If you step out of your comfort zone and network more, you will feel less nervous because it won't be so new.

We learn from experience, therefore, the more experience you have, the wiser you should be...but only as long as you learn from thepast.  If you don't debrief and learn what you could have done better and recognize what you did well, you are likely to make the same blunders/faux pas/mistakes.  Learning gives us confidence, not arrogance.

Eleanor Roosevelt is credited with saying "Do something every day that scares you". This is a wonderful challenge for the new year!

Blue Sky Day

When my first son was about 2 years old, we would sit together at the kitchen table and eat breakfast.  We would look out the window and I would ask him what he wanted to do that day.  Usually I got the same response, "Play with Casey" (his best friend).  To mix up our conversation a bit, I began asking "What's the weather like today?"  On the rare occassion when we have cloudless and sunny skies, he would say "Its a blue sky day".  He would follow that up with "we can do anything".

The next time you are looking out the window, wondering what to do next, use your toddler eyes to see the endless possibilities and opportunities of a Blue Sky Day, where you can do anything.  It is a wonderful feeling.

Dealing with Change

What is it about change that scares the pants off of some people?  I don't really care for change much myself.  I get very comfortable in my routines and surroundings.  I rely on them as a source of stability.  When things around me are changing so quickly, I sometimes dig in deeper to hold on to my routines and surroundings. Is it human nature...perhaps for some.  But change is inevitable.

I think what scares so many people is the fact that the change happened and they had no control over it- or did they?  They felt like they had no control.  Now they are forced to make new choices.  That is difficult. Whether it is a lay off, restructuring, being passed over for a promotion or raise, these conditions force us to adapt to change.  We can rise to the occasion or wallow in self pity. Take the high road and embrace this wonderful new opportunity. 

If we are serious about our careers and lives, we should be looking at ways to change ourselves regularly.  When we are in control of change, it feels better as well as prepares us to manage unforeseen change more comfortably.  Is managing change a skill?  The more practice you have, the easier it generally is.  So practice handling change. Expect change.

Being comfortable with ourselves professionally and personally may not be, no definitely, is NOT a good thing.  We need to continue to learn, develop, grow and modify ourselves, sometimes even re-invent in order to survive in today's volatile world of employment.

You can't get enough good advice about networking

Larina Case wrote the following advice, you can go to her blog too, more nice insight...Larina's blog .  Her message is universal, however, does have a small slant toward those who are networking for their own business...well, then, aren't we all our own business?

I am not a comfortable networker, like many others out there.  I have to work really hard at it.  Many of Larina's pointers initially make me squirm and think, "I can't do that".  But what happens is the more I read about networking and the more I step outside of my comfort zone, the less frightened or hesitant I am.  I watch others and learn. 

Ultimately, you will have to find a style of your own, in the absence of any networking style, try someone else's on for a while.  Yes, you will make mistakes, learn and move on.  Challenge yourself, work with a friend who will hold you accountable for going to an event.  Make it fun.  I was working with one client who said she and her friend actually challenged each other to meet at least 1 new person by the end of the networking event. 

How to Get Attention, Network Like a Pro, and Be Memorable

The following tips make you an exceptional networker, self-marketer, and self-promoter (not in the obnoxious way) by helping you capture attention and get into both short and long term memory. 

1. Network Yourself. People will remember you if they can fit you into one of their existing mental networks. This might be a person or group or type of people, such as "John Smith's friend," "from the CBI group" or "executive coach." Don't stop here though, use the other tips to make YOU stand out from within that group.
2. Make yourself an expert. When you are a subject area expert, people automatically think of you and you don't even have to try to be noticed. For example, at work, select a key aspect of your job and learn everything possible about it and let people know what you've learned.
3. Be a magnet. Draw people to you by exuding confidence, charisma, and passion. No one can resist these characteristics- they'll give you a magnetic personality.
4. Adopt a signature look. Get noticed and be memorable for your fashion flare. Your signature look can be a color, an accessory, a style (for example, 1950s glam), or a haircut.
5. Take a side. Rather than worrying about offending people and choosing a middle of the road position, take a stance. People will respect you for it and it will show your conviction and courage.
6. Pay a compliment. Interestingly, focusing on others is a powerful way to be noticed. Pick something specific and let someone know that you like it. For example, tell someone in your networking group what specifically you found intriguing about the way they presented themselves. 
7. Speak with confidence. Your voice is a powerful tool in getting attention and recognition. Speak loudly, clearly, and at a natural speed (not too slow or you'll be dull and not too fast or people will think you're nervous).
8. Smile with your eyes. Research has shown that people find smiles to be most genuine when your eyes scrunch up a bit (don't worry about the crow's feet!). These form of smiling puts people at ease and makes you more likeable and influential.
9. Be a great storyteller. One of the best ways to command attention is with an engaging story, preferably one that includes some humor. At work, instead of saying, "The result we got was", tell a bit of the story about how you got their highlighting your role in achieving the result.

Remember that it typically takes multiple presentations before someone remembers someone (or something), so aim to be in front of key players on a regular basis. Keep your message consistent, use the above networking tips, and you will be more magnetic and memorable!

 

Job Loss

The loss of a job has emotional effects similar to the death of a family member or friend or a divorce.  (The first 3 are inevitable, I am hoping the 4th might be preventable.)  These emotional effects are predictable.  There isn't much we can do to avoid them.  Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote "On Death and Dying".  She outlined these predictable phases of emotions:

1 - Denial

Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned. It's a defense mechanism and perfectly natural.  

2 - Anger

Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with others, especially those close to them. 

3 - Bargaining

Traditionally the bargaining stage for people facing death can involve attempting to bargain with whatever God the person believes in. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise.

4 - Depression

It's a sort of acceptance with emotional attachment. It's natural to feel sadness and regret, fear, uncertainty, etc. It shows that the person has at least begun to accept the reality.

5 - Acceptance

This stage definitely varies according to the person's situation, although broadly it is an indication that there is some emotional detachment and objectivity.

When I was in outplacement, I would go to company sites and meet with people minutes after they had loss their jobs (a little like ambulance chancing, I know). The intent was to help them.  First by listening, second, by letting them know they were in for a rough emotional ride and third, give them some next steps to take so they would have something to focus on besides the loss of their job and feelings.

In my role as a trainer, I have seen "ANGER" many times.  It walks in the room with the participant, like a two-headed monster.  Every word that person speaks carries anger- their tone, their words and their body.  It is not pretty, and it is probably going on interviews with them and torturing their family too.

I see situational depression quite often too.  When I was coaching one job seeker, I saw his appearance deteriorate over the course of several months.  He began his search in khakis and a collared shirt, but weeks later started wearing sweat pants into the career center.  Then he stopped shaving regularly and began to get dark circles under his eyes.  It was scary to watch this happen.  I advised him, along with others, to seek professional help. He then stopped coming to the center all together.  Last I heard, he was still seeking employment. 

Getting stuck in one of these emotional places happens quite frequently too.  It is easy to stay angry, or feel sad- it is usually much harder to stop those emotions.  However, it is possible and must be done.  So, when you experience prolonged periods of emotion, change what you are doing.  It doesn't really matter what that change is, just do something different.  The act of taking control, driving your own bus, can be the boost to self esteem needed.  It can get you out of the rut. 

Take the example of a time when your car got stuck in the snow. You don't just push down harder on the accelerator do you?  OK, yes, at first you do, but when that doesn't work, you try other things- turn the steering wheel, use reverse, pray. As a last resort, you may have to call for help, AAA or a friend.  In job search, sometimes you need to ask for professional help or enlist the help of a supportive friend-sooner rather than later.

A new perspective

The paradigm shift for many is how they can spend more time networking.  In order to make networking the major focus of your job search, you need to turn every opportunity into an information gathering session. Remember, networking is equal parts giving and taking. Based on the information you have gathered, you should know how you can help the individual you are speaking with. Remember these key rules:

Networking is not about asking for a job.
By showing interest in what others do and learning about them you will gain some respect.  Most people are flattered when asked questions about what they do.  They will reciprocate by asking about you.  This is how relationships form. 

Networking is about building and nurturing relationships.
Don't abuse relationships or take them for granted.  Care for these relationships with kindness and courtesy.

So when are you networking?  Ask instead, when are you not? Every activity you do provides an opportunity to gather info and build relationships.

• Visit to the hairdresser/barber
• Buying your morning cup of coffee
• Returning books to the library
• Watching your favorite high school sporting event
• The weekly trip to Wegmans
• The workout at the gym or rec center
• The waiting room at the doctor's office
• Your oil change mechanic
• Drinking coffee after church
• Attending professional development training or school
• Volunteer meeting

If you don't do these things, there's a bigger problem.  Life is about relationships.  Sometimes we have to step outside of our comfort zone.  Once you have changed your perspective, I guarantee your life will become more fulfilling. I don't think life was meant to be "all about us", its about other people.  Try it- with risk there is reward.