The other day I received an email asking me to do someone a favor. The request made me feel uncomfortable and I pondered for a day on how to respond. As an active networking job seeker, I am fairly certain you run into these kind of scenarios as well.
"Could you introduce me to..."
"Would you give my resume to..."
"Can you call your contact and ...."
If my dear friend, past colleague, family member or someone else close to me were asking for this type of favor, I wouldn't think twice. Would you? (well, in 99% of the cases). I probably wouldn't have a problem telling them why I couldn't do it either.
The problem lies when the person making this request in a virtual unknown. Maybe you've met them once before, maybe even a couple of times. However, you feel uncomfortable being able to carry out their request.
Being the straight forward, no-nonsense kinda gal I am, I emailed him back and explained to him as nicely as possible that his request was a tad unreasonable.
1) I didn't know him well enough
2) He didn't provide specifics about why he was qualified or interested in the job
3) There was no reason provided as to what was in it for me (WIIFM) to do this
4) He assumed that I knew these contacts well enough to put in a good word
In my email, I also explained what he could do to try and make this an easier request. I listed all four of these things and how to fix them and invited him to call me for clarification.
He did. We spoke. I think he got it.
Here are the two lessons from this post:
1) Learn how to appropriately ask the right people for referral and favors.
2) Teach others the errors of their ways so that next time they will better succeed
I truly believe that each one of us has a duty to help educate and develop one another.
Do you have a similar story...how did you handle it?
Wendy:
It sounds like you were feeling "used" by that new acquaintance when they asked for an intro to your manager. That's never a good thing. There is a way to make an intro for someone you don't know very well. Its hard for me too. I know people who do this very well and there are many ways to do it.
You never know what the reaction will be when you attempt to connect people. The best you can do is try.
Posted by: Career Sherpa | June 21, 2010 at 05:09 AM
Hi Hannah, I once had someone (we'd met once very very briefly) ask me to discuss my work and work 'environment' - to see if he'd be interested working with us. When we were finished talking he asked me if I could introduce him to my manager. I declined explaining that I didn't know him that well and that an introduction by me would mean as much as introducing himself by email. A few days later he asked for my managers email address. Since it is commonly known I figured it would not be a problem to give it to him directly. But still I found it quite odd.
What i liked about your post is to have the person asking for a favour to really specify and think about it. I will do that a next time, even more!
Posted by: Wendy | June 19, 2010 at 04:57 PM
Charles, thanks for reading and commenting. Helping is one thing, doing is another. I like to put the ownership back on the individual, where I feel it belongs! Sometimes I ask the question:
"what is it that you would like me to do" to have them really think about what they are asking for...
Posted by: Career Sherpa | June 03, 2010 at 04:55 AM
Thanks, Hannah. I've had several instances where networking colleagues ask for contacts or about contacts I have and I've been unsure of what to do. In the past I'd either pass on the information or ignore the request without really knowing what to say about my unease.
This certainly helps me think about these requests differently.
Posted by: Coperez | June 02, 2010 at 10:55 AM