The other day, a friend called to ask me for my advice. As I was gleefully providing my input, I was then provided with excuses and reasons why my advice wouldn't work. OK, I know I am not always right...however, I was being asked for my advice, right?
When we ask questions, which is what we all need to be doing to better understand what we don't know, then being a good listener requires that we take in the information. If we need to gain clarification, we need to ask more questions. I don't believe we should side track the conversation by getting into the reasons why the advice isn't good. It might be enough for you to know that the person you have asked for advice from provided you with info you already knew or have already tried. Fine. Move on to someone else.
We all want to be heard, not criticized.
I have a mentor who is wonderful at listening. She asks great questions and never makes me feel stupid. If she doesn't agree with something I've said, she asks another question to dig deeper into the stupid thing I've just said. For example:
Hannah's stupid statement: "All job seekers are lazy"
Brilliant mentor: "What do you mean by lazy, Hannah?"
Someone else: "No, they aren't lazy, they just don't know what else to do"
Hannah's answer: "Well, they just don't do what they need to do"
Brilliant mentor: "So why do you think they don't do what they need to do?"
Hannah feeling stupid: "Because they don't know what they don't know, but I
guess that doesn't make them lazy, but perhaps
uninformed" (AHA moment for me, right?)
I am not suggesting that we don't debate or discuss opinions or views, that is very important, but perhaps not appropriate to the conversation in which we are requesting advice.
if you are a job seeker in 2009 and "don't know what to do" you are a SLACKER. I will even allow for the few people that never saw a layoff coming. We have this thing...it is called the I-N-T-E-R-N-E-T. You get 24 hours, post layoff to go get drunk and recover. 24 hours later get your butt to an internet connected computer and I GUARANTEE you will find resources that will CLEARLY guide you through what to do.
Shut up, slackers and start hustling. Hannah, trust your instincts. You should smack the next person that has the arrogance to tell you they don't know what to do.
:)
Posted by: mike lally | April 25, 2009 at 05:18 PM