Hannah Morgan

Spice up the old elevator pitch

If you have been using the same old elevator pitch (45 second commercial) with the same old results, let's try something different. 

In the world of business, companies define the benefits to having a value proposition as:

• Create a strong differential between you and your competitors
• Increase not only the quantity but the quality of prospective leads
• Gain market share in your targeted segments
• Assist you in enhancing tools that will help you close more business
• Improve your operation efficiency

Putting a Pricetag on People an article by a company called Delta Dallas which provides human capital services explains why employers ears and eyes key into these elements:

Performance/ Productivity - Impact the bottom line
Motivation/Influence/Attitude - Impact others
New Ideas/Thinking about Solutions -Impact through creativity
Systems - Impacting structure and efficiency
Habits - Impact through consistency
Emotional Equity - Impact through commitment

Miriam Salpeter at Keppie Careers  recommends you answer these questions in your pitch:

• What do you do? What do you offer? What makes you special and unique? (Relative to the person you’re meeting.)
• What is your goal/objective? What do you WANT to do?
• What impact do you have? What results do you create?
• How do you create positive results?

Sample Value Proposition

An experienced project manager with a strong track record of meeting deadlines on high-impact projects that saved company projects $300 thousand and boosted revenue $1.2 million over a two year period earning widespread company recognition. A strong leader who has brought together colleagues of various professional disciplines to work as a team to achieve corporate goals.

Perhaps you've figured out how to add spice...it is about changing what you are saying from "who you are" to "what you do"!  Because that is what the employers initially want to hear.

Smiles Everyone!

Unseasonably balmy weather predicted for the weekend reminds me of all the wonderful summer memories and new summer opportunities!

When the sky is blue and the weather is warm (not hot), it is hard not to smile, especially in Upstate New York. 

Wouldn't it be nice if we could keep "the first days of summer" smile all year...we can, but it requires some work.

Usually (or always) it is our beliefs that take the smile away or keep the smile on our face.  Ivy Hoffman will be presenting a workshop on personal beliefs at RochesterWorks mid-week and I am sure I'll have greater insight after I hear her.  What I do know now is that there is a ton of stress, anxiety, fear, despair, indifference and host of other negative emotions associated with job loss and job search. 

We have 2 choices, let the emotions take our smile away or change our beliefs/mindset and keep the smile.

Sounds flowery, I know.  But emotions cast the shadow of how we are perceived.  So having a flowery disposition can greatly enhance our chances of success.

I came across a post on this topic "How to use questions to create a positive perspective" comes from The M.A.P. Maker a blog by Curt Rosengren.  Really, this was the inspiration for this post.

Where ever you are, enjoy and smile!

Give me a Chance

I frequently run into people who say "I know I could do the job if they would just give me a chance".  Why aren't they aren't giving you the chance?

Are you perceived during the interview as:

• Requiring "high maintenance"
• Needing extra time to get the job done
• Being a "know-it-all"
• Having all the answers
• Too unsure of your own abilities
• Carrying the emotional baggage of job loss
• Angry
• Un-real
• Desperate for any job
• Being set in your ways
• Looking for your next "lifetime" job
• Just wanting to do the bare minimum
• Demanding
• An awkward communicator
• A complainer
• A victim
• Wanting too much

Even though they may say after the interview that you were not selected because you didn't have enough _________________ (fill in the blank), generally that means you didn't hold up to what they thought you were on paper. 

The good point here is that the resume worked its magic.  The opportunity for improvement is that you need to work on interviewing skills.  Do not confess your true weaknesses in a way which will disqualify you. 

We'll never truly understand why we weren't selected for a job.  Quite honestly, a lot of hiring decisions are just based on "gut reaction".  So what will it take for you to leave the interviewer with the right feeling?  They must believe that you can do the job as they want it done.  You must be perceived as easy to get along with and they have to see that you have a proven track record of success, not mediocrity.  The employer wants someone who will be a good investment.

In one of my favorite movies "Jerry Maguire"  Renée Zellweger says to Tom "You had me at hello". 

What can you do in the interview to grad 'em? Or as Cuba Gooding Jr. would say "Show me the money!"

More on Being a Good Listener

The other day, a friend called to ask me for my advice. As I was gleefully providing my input, I was then provided with excuses and reasons why my advice wouldn't work.  OK, I know I am not always right...however, I was being asked for my advice, right? 

When we ask questions, which is what we all need to be doing to better understand what we don't know, then being a good listener requires that we take in the information.  If we need to gain clarification, we need to ask more questions.  I don't believe we should side track the conversation by getting into the reasons why the advice isn't good.  It might be enough for you to know that the person you have asked for advice from provided you with info you already knew or have already tried. Fine. Move on to someone else. 

We all want to be heard, not criticized. 

I have a mentor who is wonderful at listening.  She asks great questions and never makes me feel stupid.  If she doesn't agree with something I've said, she asks another question to dig deeper into the stupid thing I've just said.  For example:

Hannah's stupid statement:  "All job seekers are lazy"

Brilliant mentor:  "What do you mean by lazy, Hannah?"
Someone else:      "No, they aren't lazy, they just don't know what else to do"

Hannah's answer:  "Well, they just don't do what they need to do"

Brilliant mentor: "So why do you think they don't do what they need to do?"

Hannah feeling stupid: "Because they don't know what they don't know, but I 
                                     guess that doesn't make them lazy, but perhaps 
                                     uninformed" (AHA moment for me, right?)

I am not suggesting that we don't debate or discuss opinions or views, that is very important, but perhaps not appropriate to the conversation in which we are requesting advice.   

It is All About Being a Good Listener

In reading Liz Lynch's post about being a good listener, I was reminded of how incredibly significant being a good listener is.  You certainly know people who are excellent listeners and those that are not. 

I laughed at the following quote from her post:

"When they talk, it's their moment, give them the space to shine. Resist the urge to be their color commentator. It's annoying, for example, when a friend starts saying, "I was on a plane to Salt Lake City last week when...," and you jump in with a personal trivia nugget, "Oh, Salt Lake City, that's such a great place for skiing. It reminds me of the time I..." In other words, leave the pop-up video commentary to VH1."

I do that...yikes.  Time to stop inputting my VH1 commentary. 

Liz also talks about sharing information as a way of being a good listener. 

"Actively read the blogs and status updates of your network, review their tweets, and share your reactions. Even better is to find opportunities to forward links to their content to your own network to help get their message in front of more people."

Today, people are on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn.  They update their profiles, add photos, and share information about themselves freely. They want to be heard! This makes it easier than ever before to listen.  The best way to hear them, according to Liz is to respond/acknowledge and forward along.  The reason this information has been updated in the first place is so that it will be acknowledged and circulated (i.e. heard). 

I still find this social networking stuff a little egocentric, hey, but that's where we are, so I am going with it for now.

Being heard feels so good.  By being a good listener, you send a message that you care as well as make others feel good!

Say it like you mean it

I was watching President Obama speak to the people of Prague and kept asking myself, why do they care about what he has to say?  It was a huge crowd of people.  So, Why?  Perhaps he had something they wanted to hear.

When you are talking about what you can do, do you say it like you mean it?  Would it draw a crowd?  Would anyone be interested?  OK, if you can't draw a crowd, how about in an interview or when networking?

If you can't speak convincingly about yourself, then why should anyone listen.

Think about what it would take for you to speak with conviction...what do you need to get there?  Is it a lack of self-confidence?  What is driving that?  What can you do to turn that around? We can be our worst enemy, especially when we are feeling vulnerable, however, this is not an excuse.  Fix it please.

Perhaps it isn't a lack of self confidence, it is a lack of certainty that what you can do is of value.  What you can do to turn that around.  Usually a bit of information gathering can stifle those feelings.

Maybe it isn't either of these things holding you back.  Identify why you aren't speaking passionately about what you do.  Is it perhaps the fact that you no longer love what you do?  You can fix that too.

Right now, you realize, there aren't enough jobs for everyone looking.  In order to stand out, you really have to speak like you are worthy of drawing a crowd. 

If you aren't up to the task, if you aren't willing to fight for yourself, if you don't believe you should have to do this, then... continue doing what you're doing and let me know how it goes.

Small Talk

"Help, don't make me talk to people I don't know!"

This is what I am thinking if I have to mingle at a meeting, seminar, or party.  I am in awe of people who can ask good questions and engage in conversation with complete strangers.  I googled "small talk" and the most current articles I found were from 2007.  Either I am a bad googler or people are not using this phrase.  Hmmm.

Here are some tips to keep in mind:

• Pay attention to what is being said.  Be a good listener and ask good followup questions.  If they say "I really enjoy coming here" ask them why. 

• Stay current on current events. This will arm you with topics to ask about and be able to speak about as well.  "What do you think about the ..."

• Share a short story from your day.  Remember to ask them a question, like, "has this ever happened to you?"

The idea is to get them talking about themselves.  We love being asked good questions so we can talk about what we know. 

Here's the thing to remember.  You need to practice small talk if it doesn't come naturally.  So practice at the grocery store, school event, or where ever you go.  Ask the produce person a question.  Ask a fellow shopper why they like that product.  If feels awkward, but smile, and that can melt away the uncomfortable feeling.

If you are one of those who can talk to anyone, what are your secrets?

Look to Others for Ideas

If we had all the answers to all the questions, where would the fun be?  Life was meant to challenge, excite, sadden, frustrate and perhaps all at the same time. 

When times are uncertain or we lack clarity or even ideas, it is only natural to ask for advice from those we trust.  This comes easier to some than others.  Asking for help makes us feel vulnerable.  Asking for advice shows wisdom. 

Think of the people you know who you trust and value.  If you asked them for advice or suggestions, might they have some words for you?  They have lived through experiences different from yours.  They have viewed it through a different lens. This offers wonderful perspective.

I had coffee with two women yesterday.  Each were asking for advice and I gladly and freely gave my thoughts.  They both expressed surprise at my suggestions because they had never thought in quite the same way I did. 

We have filters that sometimes prevent us from seeing some options, that is why we should look to others for their unique perspectives.  We may not always agree but having options is better than feeling hopeless or helpless.

The Wall Street Journal has asked several job seekers to blog about their job search.  You can read about each person's experience and perhaps learn something that might help you.  Here's the link .

Grab 'Em, Hook, Line and Sinker

experienceTHIS CEO wrote 5 tips to use when responding to a job posted for his company. This is great advice, not just for CraigsList job postings but for all!  link

His advice is from his perspective, and I agree with it, mostly.  He is searching for a product manager, and his company seems to have a more "laid back" culture so this greatly influences the style of writing and approach he is looking for.  Please read the sample cover letter he recommends you don't use.  It is so 1980's, dated, or as he calls it blah, blah, blah.

Knowing the company you are applying to is critical.  You need to try and match their style.  Please, please, don't say "yeah, but most jobs I apply to don't have any company information".  First, that's an easy excuse not to do the work and second, it makes me wonder about the jobs you are applying for.  I believe some jobs are blindly posted and for legitimate reasons.  This is why you need to do more than just apply for jobs on-line.   

The other tips are to explain why you specifically want to work for that company and specifically state some relevant accomplishments. The reader wants to speak with someone they feel they know and who has a track record of success. 

My prediction has been, that in a few years, we probably won't be using a cover letter.  There may be something else but who knows what that will be.  It could be your LinkedIn profile, a video clip, something so that the reviewer feels like they know you.

On another note, what do you do when the posting asks for salary requirements or history?  You have two choices, divulge or withhold. 

If you are going to divulge what you made or how much you want, know that this information could quite likely get you eliminated if your named figure is out of their range.

DIVULGE

"My salary requirements are negotiable.  Based on the stated requirements of the job, I feel a fair range for this position with your company would range between X and Y".

"In my last few positions, my salary ranged from X to Y".

WITHHOLD

"I would be happy discuss my salary requirements upon scheduling of an interview.  There are many factors to consider and I would appreciate the opportunity to learn more about your company and needs before stating a specific number".

"I have been compensated fairly for my performance within the last several positions.  I would be happy to provide more detail during the interview"

Bottom line, try something different.  If you have been using the same cover letter template for months, ditch it and take a risk. 

Keep the Monday morning momentum going all week

Though yesterday was a holiday, I bet there were many job seekers plugging away at the job boards first thing (well, maybe right after the morning news).  It is easier to be motivated on Monday.  It isthe first day of the week.  Perhaps this will be the day your dream job is posted.  In the career center where I work, our office is packed on Monday.  All the computers are in use and there are lines to use the copier.  By Friday, the traffic is a drizzle.  Maybe 10 people at the most.  Why?  What causes this phenomenon?  Discouragement, disappointment, despair or all three?!

It is hard work, no on can argue the fact, that seeking employment in any economic climate basically stinks.  That is precisely why you need support. Support from home, friends, everyone you know, and fellow job hunters.  There's a sense of accountability when you have to communicate with these people. 

Communicate your plan and successes to people who know you.  They will also be more likely to want to help if you give them an idea of how.  Just saying you are looking for a new job isn't enough.

Identify potential job titles and target companies for whom you would like to work (I've written about target companies a lot). 

Meet other people who do what you do.  You don't know any you say?  Where do they hang? In other words, what groups do they belong to?  Where might you find them off hours?  This prospecting for new co-workers is probably the most valuable form of networking.  Once you have met these future co-workers you can learn about their companies, their industries, their skill sets, their salaries.  Sure, they might feel like they need to protect their jobs and might see you as a threat, but inherently, they are people and want to help if you use a little flattery. 

One place you know you can find empathy is at networking groups for the unemployed.  No, they don't have jobs, but they do know people who do. Because they know how difficult it is to be out of work, they are the most willing to help, if they can. Be precise in what you say you are looking for.

I am happy to say, that I will be starting a group for job seekers in my community, Canandaigua, NY.  If you are near this area and would like to attend, we'll be having our first meeting on March 18th at 6:30 pm at the First Congregational Church on Main Street.  More details will follow. In the meantime,  I have started a Google group for those interested.

WIIFM

Everything we do in life could be looked at as a "deal".  We have to communicate with people and that means that we are trying to push our ideas, needs, desires, or something tangible. Successful communication can be measured by the results and usually begins with clear, well formulated words.  Try taking a look at successful communication beyond the surface.  

In the world of sales, there is an acronym used- WIIFM which stands for "What's In It For Me".  This is used as a guiding principle for sales people.  It is a reminder that when trying to sell something, you need to keep in mind the needs of the potential customer.  As the customer is listening to you, they are thinking "what's in it for me"?

Everything in job search is sales and we hate it- unless we are either an ego-maniac or really tough skinned, because what we are selling is ourselves.  If we can switch our thinking patterns to "how can I solve a problem for this company"? it might just enable us to communicate more effectively.

If you take time to think about how you would answer the WIIFM question for each person you interact with, it might also help you identify some gaps in the information you have.  If you can't answer the WIIFM, then why are you talking to them? 

For example, when asking for a networking meeting, tell the person what's in it for them to meet with you.  It could be that you heard they are short handed and you have specific skills that can help them meet their goals.  This would be nice, but oh so difficult.  The better you address their WIIFM, the more likely you are to get the meeting.

In an interview, the interviewer is wondering WIIFM?  Why would you be someone that could save them money or make them money? Pre-plan your interview answers to address this question.

I wish that Sales 101 was a part of every high school and college curriculum.  It is the foundation for success.  It might take the dirtiness out of the feelings we get when we have to sell ourselves.  Maybe the used car salesman had it right all along (if he used WIIFM).

Knowing it All

The next time you are telling someone something, stop, and think about how much you don't know about what you are talking about.  It is so easy, especially when we get older and supposedly wiser, to "believe" we have the answers.

Personally and professionally, we feel we know the answers.  With confidence, we take a stand on an issue or topic.  It is at that moment, we need to stop and consider how much we don't know. Open up our minds to the possibility that there is probably so much we don't know on the issue or topic.  That can be difficult, because we want to believe we know.  But we don't. 

If we open our minds to the notion that we are not the expert, that there are people out there that know more, perhaps even the person we are talking with/to, it allows us to want to learn more.  If we want to learn more, we become more pro-active in seeking information from those we interact with.  

If you have children, you feel you are supposed to know it all.  When they come to you for advice or help, you might feel it is your job to share your expertise/wisdom.  That's fine, just remember, you don't know it all, do you?  How would that exchange with you child be different if you were asking yourself, "do I really know what I am talking about?".  I hope the answer is a mix of yes and no. 

If you are in an interview or networking, you want to appear knowledgeable and confident.  You don't, however, know it all.  That results in arrogance.  Keep an open mind, remember, you don't know it all.

Adopt the "life long learner" mentality.  It keeps you alert and humble and much more enjoyable to be around.

What About the Cover Letter?

Are you going to send one?  The answer today is absolutely, whenever possible. It is a demonstration of your interest in the company and job.  It may sound like old fashioned protocol to some, but we should still do it, whether the employer asks for it or not. 

When applying on-line, sometimes there isn't a specific spot to upload a cover letter.  If this is the case then add it to the resume you upload.  When sending your resume as an attachment in an email, combine the cover letter with your resume document so the reader only has to open one attachment (this makes their lives easier).

The second most frequent question that arises in the presentations I deliver on resume workshops is "Don't I just customize my qualifications for that job in the cover letter?" This question arises because we talk about the customization of each and every resume for the jobs being applied for. If the resume is customized, then what do you put in the cover letter.  Therefore, the purpose of the cover letter is a bit different than it used to be. 

Because the resume has been changed to meet the requirements of the job, the purpose of the resume is to:

1) Explain why you want to work at that company

2) Summarize the most important qualifications

3) Thank them for their time and state your intentions to follow up (whenever possible)

In the olden days (10 years ago), you  usually submitted your resume by mail. It was a tangible/manual process for the employer too.  We knew the cover letter would be seen.  The individual preference of the person screening/receiving the packet would determine when the cover letter was read, if at all. 

Will it get read?  Will it always get read first? With the extreme demands on time and the electronic processing of resumes, we can't be sure what is going to happen. We can control the one thing we know they will process/handle, the resume. We will still send the cover letter because there are enough people out there reviewing resumes who are of the old school and want to see it and sometimes won't read a resume unless it is accompanied by a cover letter.

Today, we can't make them read the cover letter.  Therefore, if there are critical qualifications you mention only in the cover letter and it doesn't get read, then they won't know about them.  If they don't know you are qualified, guess who isn't getting a phone call?

Political Correctness

I am not one who believes in trying to be politically correct.  Instead, I want to be known as someone who is respectful, polite, and a person of integrity.

Does this get me in trouble...you betcha.  It saddens me every time someone mistakes my intentions. 

One day, I will realize that perception is reality.  It doesn't matter what my intentions are if they have been misperceived by my audience.  

Interviewing, networking, chatting with friends- in every exchange we encounter, we run the risk of being misunderstood.

How can you be sure your message is clearly received and perceived...

• Be impeccable with your word (The Four Agreements) 
• Know who you are speaking to and what is important to them
• Leave your emotions out of it
• Learn from your past mistakes

Happy communicating! 

Laying the Foundation For Our Children

We owe it to ourselves and to our children to develop a connection with our community.  Become involved and step outside of our own selfish needs and wants, if only for a few hours a month.  Not only is this extremely gratifying, it will make you a better person. 

One day as I was delivering a workshop to help transitioning job seekers understand how to spread the word that they were seeking employment, I asked the question "Who do you know"?  I asked them to begin writing down the names of people that they could talk to.  One man was staring at me so I asked him if he had a question.  With anger in his voice he told me that he lived in the country; his closest neighbor was a mile down the road.  He continued by saying his only family was his mother who lived in a retirement home.  He also declared that he did not keepin touch with his co-workers.  He denied that any of these people could help him anyway.  

I tell this one story as an example of the hundreds of similar excuses I have heard as to why people can't talk to anyone- they don't know anyone. (Yes, there is another underlying issue here, fear.  I won't tackle that now.) 

I grew up in a magical neighborhood of families with children.  We ranged in age from 2 to 20.  In the summer, we would all play flashlight tag in a barn for hours.  In the fall, we would wait at the bus stop together.  In winter, we would sled or ice skate en-masse.  I grew up expecting that is the way it should be.  

My parents were active in the community. We belonged to church and I sang in the church choir.  We stayed at the after-service coffee hour much longer than I would have liked.  My mom volunteered with numerous organizations.

We could continue to pull inside our garages and never step foot on the front porch to meet our neighbors (oh, you don't have one...funny, I guess they stopped putting those on houses when our society felt they were no longer important).  We could continue to lead insular and isolated lives.  We could continue to accumulate stuff to fulfill our needs.  But, I believe that would be a huge mistake.  This world is small and getting smaller and flatter.  Interpersonal relationships are the crux of how we will develop and compete.  

So set the example, let your families know, school is about getting good grades AND more. 

• Force them to join an activity

• Volunteer with them
• Enjoy your community
• Lead by example

Our teens and society are Narcissistic, help them to understand how they fit in the bigger picture.

You can't get enough good advice about networking

Larina Case wrote the following advice, you can go to her blog too, more nice insight...Larina's blog .  Her message is universal, however, does have a small slant toward those who are networking for their own business...well, then, aren't we all our own business?

I am not a comfortable networker, like many others out there.  I have to work really hard at it.  Many of Larina's pointers initially make me squirm and think, "I can't do that".  But what happens is the more I read about networking and the more I step outside of my comfort zone, the less frightened or hesitant I am.  I watch others and learn. 

Ultimately, you will have to find a style of your own, in the absence of any networking style, try someone else's on for a while.  Yes, you will make mistakes, learn and move on.  Challenge yourself, work with a friend who will hold you accountable for going to an event.  Make it fun.  I was working with one client who said she and her friend actually challenged each other to meet at least 1 new person by the end of the networking event. 

How to Get Attention, Network Like a Pro, and Be Memorable

The following tips make you an exceptional networker, self-marketer, and self-promoter (not in the obnoxious way) by helping you capture attention and get into both short and long term memory. 

1. Network Yourself. People will remember you if they can fit you into one of their existing mental networks. This might be a person or group or type of people, such as "John Smith's friend," "from the CBI group" or "executive coach." Don't stop here though, use the other tips to make YOU stand out from within that group.
2. Make yourself an expert. When you are a subject area expert, people automatically think of you and you don't even have to try to be noticed. For example, at work, select a key aspect of your job and learn everything possible about it and let people know what you've learned.
3. Be a magnet. Draw people to you by exuding confidence, charisma, and passion. No one can resist these characteristics- they'll give you a magnetic personality.
4. Adopt a signature look. Get noticed and be memorable for your fashion flare. Your signature look can be a color, an accessory, a style (for example, 1950s glam), or a haircut.
5. Take a side. Rather than worrying about offending people and choosing a middle of the road position, take a stance. People will respect you for it and it will show your conviction and courage.
6. Pay a compliment. Interestingly, focusing on others is a powerful way to be noticed. Pick something specific and let someone know that you like it. For example, tell someone in your networking group what specifically you found intriguing about the way they presented themselves. 
7. Speak with confidence. Your voice is a powerful tool in getting attention and recognition. Speak loudly, clearly, and at a natural speed (not too slow or you'll be dull and not too fast or people will think you're nervous).
8. Smile with your eyes. Research has shown that people find smiles to be most genuine when your eyes scrunch up a bit (don't worry about the crow's feet!). These form of smiling puts people at ease and makes you more likeable and influential.
9. Be a great storyteller. One of the best ways to command attention is with an engaging story, preferably one that includes some humor. At work, instead of saying, "The result we got was", tell a bit of the story about how you got their highlighting your role in achieving the result.

Remember that it typically takes multiple presentations before someone remembers someone (or something), so aim to be in front of key players on a regular basis. Keep your message consistent, use the above networking tips, and you will be more magnetic and memorable!

 

The Four Agreements

I was first introduced to "The Four Agreements", don Miguel Ruiz, by a dear collegue, Larry.  At that point in my life, I was not ready to listen to the message.  Fast forward 5 years and again, the Four Agreements were in front of me.  I credit this time, Rosa.  After listening to the audio version, I was captivated.  How can I do this?  How can I live my life this way?  Where do I start?  It takes discipline and as hard as I try, I can't do it all the time.  These 4 basic principles are wonderful, based on the Toltec traditions.  http://www.miguelruiz.com/fouragreements.html

1.  Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.