Small Talk

"Help, don't make me talk to people I don't know!"

This is what I am thinking if I have to mingle at a meeting, seminar, or party.  I am in awe of people who can ask good questions and engage in conversation with complete strangers.  I googled "small talk" and the most current articles I found were from 2007.  Either I am a bad googler or people are not using this phrase.  Hmmm.

Here are some tips to keep in mind:

• Pay attention to what is being said.  Be a good listener and ask good followup questions.  If they say "I really enjoy coming here" ask them why. 

• Stay current on current events. This will arm you with topics to ask about and be able to speak about as well.  "What do you think about the ..."

• Share a short story from your day.  Remember to ask them a question, like, "has this ever happened to you?"

The idea is to get them talking about themselves.  We love being asked good questions so we can talk about what we know. 

Here's the thing to remember.  You need to practice small talk if it doesn't come naturally.  So practice at the grocery store, school event, or where ever you go.  Ask the produce person a question.  Ask a fellow shopper why they like that product.  If feels awkward, but smile, and that can melt away the uncomfortable feeling.

If you are one of those who can talk to anyone, what are your secrets?

Comments

[Carol White Llewellyn, The Finger Lakes Travel Maven]

In a social situation where you're feeling uncomfortable, simply remember that many of the people in the room are feeling as uncomfortable as you are, and particularly those who know no one.

Rather than try to break into a conversation that is aleady going on, pretend you're the host of the event and "rescue" someone you see standing alone. They'll be most thankful and will be delighted to start up a conversation - it doesn't matter what it's about.

Start with something easy, like some aspect of the event (insightful speaker, delicious punch, unusual meeting space, whatever...).

It's okay to make personal comments (What a great purse, tie, sweater...)

It's okay to ask things like "So how did you find out about this event?" "Have you ever heard this speaker before?"

Then you can transition to current events or wherever else the conversation happens to go. Look for things you might have in common. This always gives you room to grow the conversation.

Usually once the conversation starts, it will continue for enough time to see if it makes sense to exchange busines cards.

Psych yourself up before going to the event (I use a personal mantra), always stay upbeat and paste a smile on your face because it makes you more approachable.

PRETEND you're someone whose social skills you admire. PRETEND you're outgoing and you will automatically move in that direction.

As someone who used to be painfully uncomfortable going to events where I had to make small talk, but has managed to get over it, I recommend reading:

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie - Still one of the best books on socializing and networking ever!

Just yesterday, I wrote a post for HerRochester.com about this topic based on the Financial Times' article on how shyness can derail careers. To read the post and article, visit: http://forums.herrochester.com/viewtopic.php?t=620

I hope these ideas help!